had a nice conversation on the phone with my dad about Internet dating. He had some valid points and I can totally see where he's coming from, but I don't know if it's really for me. I kind of just want someone to find me, if that makes sense. It's happened before, in fact that's how I met Mason's dad. Just the though of arranging to meet someone and have to feel all nervous and stuff is not really what I'm all about. I guess I'm complicated (or stupid) but I don't want to do any of the work.
He was right though about the whole Internet dating thing. It's been four (and a half) years now. I'm not getting any younger/prettier. Soon I will probably develop a hunch back and a hairy wart on my face. Life sucks like that sometimes.
But the Internet is a scary place my friends.
You find all kinds of people who can access the Internet from a) their creepy bedroom that may or may not contain every Star Wars figure ever made and Star Wars bed sheets and probably this (warning: NSFW - which means not safe for work. I just learned that recently) in between their mattress and box spring. b)the public library, where they are also printing their pornography at the same time c) prison
So you see, Internet dating could also be dangerous! I'm sure if Hitler had the Internet, he would have been on Plentyoffish.com and you would never know he was a bad dude! I mean that is a very rare case, after all I think perverts and lunatic murders are using Craigslist to bait their prey these days, but you just never know!
If you have been to Phronk.com you most likely have seen his Horrors of Internet Dating which is a collection of crazy bitches on dating sites. Having browsed dating sites before, I was a little disappointed that I had never came across profiles like those. I chalked it up to the fact that single women are insane (including myself) and I thought men were just not showing their insanity until they actually sent you a message.
I was wrong. Truth is, I wasn't really reading the profiles, and I wasn't venturing out of my very specific circle of men that I would date to find the Captain Insanos. So I went out of my comfort zone, and I am bringing back to you some of the strangest shit I could find while innocently looking for a soul mate. You will have to click on these to make them larger, unless you have magnifying glass eyes or big glasses or like a 99inch monitor
I am totally replying to this one! It's gonna go a little like this:
hi r3folafoi! It's me fosolflks!! Remember from doeor8!? Remember that time we eie028 and everybody 09aowerolas and we all 3oiflasdf all the way home! Good times! Ew remember when you aawepripas? That was totally nasty you eow3rwa!
Toke pals? What is a toke pal? ....wait...ohhhh I get it :/
...what he didn't mention is that restraining order that restricts him from being within 200 feet of a retirement home.
Well F U too then a-hole. Note: This is not his real face. It is my art work.
Watch out girls, he bites!
I could just see our first date now.... then our wedding....................................... then our house ............................... then our kids........................................... our whole life would be ....................... and then we would .............................. and ............................. and eventually ....................................................................................................
"Did you ever know that you're my heeeeeeeero, you're everything I wish I could be, I could fly higher than an eeeeeeeeeeeeagle cause you are the wind beneath my wings"
I shouldn't be making fun of these guys, after all one of them could be my soul mate! Then again, if they believed in soul mates they would be wearing capris, right dad? ;)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hello..this is my blog. I bought this fancy theme and I don't know what to write here just yet. Maybe one day remind me I have to write something inspiring here?
Oh my, everything about this post is amazing. I opened the laser dildo at work even though it's NSFW and the universe didn't explode. Weird.
ReplyDeleteWTF is with angel man? I've got some similar weird photo stuff from girls coming up in my next HOID (it has an acronym now).
TTYL.
HOID! Love it! I think you've helped me find a new hobby. Love the wing guy but imagine trying to go out to dinner with him and his wings knocking food off other tables. Just wouldn't work out. Also, I would be singing Wind Beneath My Wings all day long, and nobody wants to live with that kind of torture.
ReplyDeletePS - Thanks for telling me about the broken pic thingy! You are my hero of the day ;)
Hahaha, I love these! MAN, I seriously should contribute to this series. I have way too many internet dating experiences, except mine are actually when I meet the guy and find out they're "........................." instead of just looking at the profile.
ReplyDeletele sigh.
Thanks for the comment over on our blog!
Hi. Wow, this was a great read! Thanks for posting.
ReplyDeleteNot to get all “mystical” on you here but love really can move in mysterious ways. And sometimes you can find it in the most unexpected places.
Leah sent us a story awhile back about finding her soulmate way back in the 7th grade, and not realizing it until years later. You can watch her video at the link below.
I hope you find it as inspiring as I do. Thanks and have a great day.
http://www.ahamoment.com/vote/leah
I always thought the girls were the crazy ones on internet dating sites, at least thats the way they are portrayed. The men are just better at hiding their craziness until you meet them IRL ;)
ReplyDeleteLoved that video...what a lucky lady! Actually I watched a few of them...those are great videos! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDelete