On Being a Single Mom...

http://findingjoy.net/10-things-single-moms-want-their-married-friends-to-know/ written by Rachel at finding joy

I read this from a friend on Facebook the other day and I just had to share with my lovely readers!

This.  Exactly.

I never expected to be a single mother, and truthfully I don’t feel like a single mother, but here I am in the single mother category, and this article makes me feel like I belong here.

I honestly thought he was going to live – probably even longer than I would. The thought of doing this on my own just was never an option.  Even when they told us on my son’s first birthday that he was not going to live, I didn’t believe it.  Bad things never happened to me, and he was something to me so it just couldn’t happen.  Then it did.  I remember my first words were “What am I supposed to do now?”  I still ask myself that every single day – but we’re making it. 

People tell me how strong I am all the time, and I thank them for their observation, but I am not strong. I do this because I have to do it. The person I was before this happened would never have been able to do this. I’ve been thrown into this role.  I’m definitely not strong and far from perfect, but I try and that kind of makes me a superhero. I don’t go saving the planet, I just make sure dinner is on the table, and there is a roof over our heads, same thing…right?

One thing you may not know is that I am completely financially on my own.  When R. died, I applied for survivor benefits for Mason.  I was then told that the person I chose to have a child with did not work enough hours in his lifetime for us to qualify.  Ever since I have been supporting us financially on my own.  I work harder just because our government felt that someone who died young and had cancer for five years didn’t contribute enough to make his son’s life worth anything financially. 

I mean, we get by. I try really hard to make sure he has everything he needs and I think I’ve been lucky a lot to make sure that happens. Part of the reason I have trouble fitting in with the single mom group is that I do this alone. When I hear people complain about how their ex-husband doesn’t take their child enough or they got ripped off in their child support hearing, I cringe. I can’t say anything bad about my ex – ever. He didn’t choose to leave.  I’m not saying every single parent complains, and not every single parent gets child support, I’m just jealous that they still have someone else to help make the major decisions and be there for their children.

Also – please don’t ever tell me that you wish your ex would just die.  It is a horrible thing to say (and yes, it’s been said to me more than a few times).  If you knew what I go through, just read back a few pages on this blog and it will give you an idea, you wouldn’t wish this upon anyone – no matter how much of a “d-bag” your ex-husband is.

I love this article because the message is “friendships matter. Greatly.” – and it is so true. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to go through this without some good friends. I have so many friends who I don’t get to see all the time (busy single mom thing…read the article!) but I know they are here for me if I ever need them – and that’s where my strength comes from.   I love every single one of my friends – even the ones who tell me how strong I am!