Happy Fathers Day...

I've never really been one to celebrate Father's Day. I blame it on my psycho kindergarten teacher...well sort of. When I was in kindergarten, our special task for the day was to create a Father's Day card, which is really weird because school ended around that time. Anywayyyyyy, you know when you have a brilliant idea and you get really excited (and in that grade you pee your pants). Well I got really excited and I drew a bunch of hearts overlapping. So my teacher saw this, said I was being silly and told me to start over. That was my first artistic disappointment and I was sad. I think I ended up giving it to him anyway, but to this day I still remember that.

I don't remember any other Father's Days after that. It was never a big deal in our family. My dad, who actually is not my biological father, probably didn't care - until we grew up, now all of a sudden it's all like why didn't you call me on Father's Day? Why did you call me a jerk? Why why why....

As I was saying, my dad is not really actually my dad. I'm not even sure how I found that out. I mean, he was always there for me for as long as I can remember, so if nobody told me he wasn't my dad, I probably never would have questioned it. My real dad was non-existent, all I knew about him was that his name was Mark and he had curly blonde hair (which I later found out was a perm - dudes did that back in the 80's ya know). So I was lucky to have a dad who accepted me (and who didn't have a perm) as his own. I mean, he didn't have to accept me, he could have ran away screaming as soon as he learned my mom had a kid. Although she did have a nice rack and I guess that is hard for some men to resist. No, instead of running away he stayed and he got me a puppy - and then a sister, and then a brother. I mean, I would have been just fine with the puppy, but my dad is such a giving guy so you know... (love you sis!)

He never made me feel like I wasn't one of his own. He guided me through growing up like any other dad, only in very unconditional ways, which actually turned me into a cool person, so it was a win-win, ya know? He taught me how to use a computer, how to dock a boat (and managed not to strangle me when I smashed the boat into the dock and made it sink - although I did end up going home and crying). He taught me all the important things in life like how to talk the dog catcher out of taking our 150 pound dog to doggy prison for running through a restaurant. Just important life stuff.

Even after my parents separated, he was still there. He was the same old dad who would come and pick us up, drive us to Toronto at least once a month and the whole way there he would chain smoke, listen to AM radio and give a lecture that lasted the entire trip. Sometimes longer than the whole trip if you mention you want to be a social worker.

My dad is big and scary, which is nice because I can totally say "my dad can beat up your dad" and actually mean it. He is honest, which I always appreciated, even though there was usually a lecture involved with his confessions, it was good to know he didn't try to hide too much from us (although sometimes there were things we wish he would have hid - like the girlfriend who grabbed his crotch in front of us - right sis?).

Sometime after R. and I were dating for a while, my dad took him aside and poor R. got the lecture about not getting me pregnant. So seeing that second line on the pregnancy test a few months later really wasn't the best timing. R. and I fought for a good week about who had to tell my dad. That argument never actually ended because my mom ended up telling him - and guess what, he was happy - go figure.

Around the same time I got a phone call one night from my "real dad". At that time I was so excited. Life was perfect at that time - R.'s dad had passed away when he was young so I was excited that my child would have two grandfather's after all.

I was 22 years old. In my mind I was 30. I was so ready for life, everything was perfect, except for the whole cancer thing, we could have lived without that, so to me meeting my real dad would just make things complete. I was 12 weeks pregnant, I met my "father" at the marina where he worked. I remember being so nervous, and I felt compelled to tell him he was going to be a grandfather. The first thing I noticed about him was that he got rid of the perm (good choice "dad"). He was short and had a big bum like me. Just like my mom always said - you must get your big bum from your dad's side of the family - although she was never really sure.

As it turns out, my "father" didn't actually hate children, because he had a litter's worth of children after me - and then he dropped the bombshell that his wife was expecting another kitten kid. So after he mentioned that little tidbit, I figured it was okay to mention my little surprise too. He thought that was too weird. I wasn't old enough, he couldn't be a grandfather...and I got "the look". Of course I never heard from him again after that. He was the first man to stand me up, and it hurt for a while. Thoughts went through my head that I was too fat, too ugly, he thought I was a moron...but it all came back to that he didn't want to be a grandfather.

It didn't really matter much in the end, I had a father who was always good to me. The baby makin' daddy didn't matter anymore (Hey Maury, give me a call - we can negotiate)

My dad and I do not always see eye-to-eye, and he is always right (how can anyone argue with one hour lectures anyway), but he did a wonderful thing by accepting me as his own - his first child. It really takes a special person to accept a single mother, and also be good to her child.

There really is no bad guy in this story, there is only a coward who never took any responsibility for his child. He had the chance to make things right many times, he was friends with my uncles for my entire life and never once asked. I don't think he's a terrible guy, they were young and he did try for a while - but he is a coward.

So Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there - some a little more special than others ;)