Dreaming...

I woke up sobbing.
I had one of those dreams where you are in another reality.
It was a horrible dream where my mother died. 

I felt like I was completely lost.
Honestly, I don't see or talk to my family very much.
I'm working on it.
My anxiety makes me feel like nobody wants to hear what I have to say.
I never call.

So I come here and write about my feelings to complete strangers.
Makes perfect sense, somehow.

Most of the time my dreams take me to amazing places. 
Things happen that could only ever really happen - well, in my dreams.
Sometimes my dreams even come true.  Usually when this happens it's just an extreme sense of deja vu (example: I've been in this bowling alley before).

Sometimes I have dreams about Freddy Krueger under my grandmother's bed.
Other times I dream of giving birth in strange places.
and then there are those dreams that are just too real.

I told my mom about my dream.
She was curious what she died of.  I had asked that in my dream, and just as it was being explained to me I woke up.
I was just glad to know she was okay - even if I annoyed her asking when her last doctor's visit was.

I remember in my dream that I was buying a bed from my aunt and we were working out the details when I found out about my mom.  When I texted my mom she was telling me all about the new bed she bought from my aunt *cue X-Files theme song*. 

My mom is okay. She's getting a new bed and she's really okay.
but my dream made me realize I have to reach out to family more often.
but I was still troubled as to why I would have such a horrible dream.
I did watch a scary movie before bed - but to dig a little deeper, I checked out dreambible.com.

According to dreambible.com:

"If your mother dies in a dream it represents feelings of having lost your sense of intuition or consistently making bad choices. Feeling that you have poor foresight. You are unable to solve a problem, get away from negative life situations, and problems you have stay unresolved. If she dies it's very likely you have powerful fears, or moral dilemmas that you need to overcome. You may feel a permanent sense of bad luck or that you can't stop yourself from making a bad decision with something very important."

...and it all completely makes sense now.  

Hopefully tonight I dream about being a millionaire again. I like that dream.