You can do it...

A conversation I had with a friend tonight really got me thinking about some stuff and I know she reads this and I want her to know that I'm thinking of her and I'm there no matter what...and don't worry I won't blab who you are or post THAT picture of you, you know which one I'm talkin' about ;)

Anyway as I was saying, our conversation was pretty much about single parenting and being told you can't do things. To me, that is just what people say who have been through it, they know it's hard and they are afraid for you. They are scared you won't be happy, you won't know what to do and you will hit a brick wall.

To that I have to say, you can do anything that you have to do. I know it's not always glamourous, not always fun and definitely not something we chose to do. Out of anybody I know, I would be the last person in the whole entire world to say hell ya, let's get this single parent thing on because I know I can do it...and I know my story is a little different, the only similarity is that it ends almost the same way. You feel lonely, depressed, stressed, lost, hopeless....but eventually you get to a point where you get your footing and you realize that it may not be completely right, it may not be the easiest, but you are making it and sometimes that feels good.

Friend*, I never told you this, but I never though R. was going to die...ever. Even though he laid there in that bed and slept all day, weighing all of 70 pounds, I didn't think it would happen. I did not prepare myself at all for the way the story ended, when I guess I should have been. Heck, we didn't even talk about him dying more than one time. Then it happened and I remember the first thought I had was oh. my. god. I am alone. I have a baby. I am alone. I clung to his brother until my knuckles were white and I remember saying over and over "how do I do this alone?"...just over and over like some sort of crazy killer lady in a movie or something.

After the initial shock was over I realized that no matter what, I had to do it. I didn't like it, I didn't want it, but that little boy needed me and in a way I needed him. Imagine if someone told me it was impossible while I was screaming like a lunatic "How do I do this alone?" over and over? I don't know what would have happened, maybe I would have believed it but it wouldn't have made for a tolerable ending to a tragedy.

Is it hard? Not at all, you can even say it's automatic. An instinct kicks in and it happens all on its very own.

You do what you have to do.

You may not like it.

They may not like it.

Nobody will probably like it.

...but it's what you have to do.

If you are fortunate enough to have the choice, do sleep on it. Don't make a choice in haste. Find what you love and hold on to it and if it is meant to be then everything will work out.

You can do anything that you have to do.

It doesn't make it easier, but I have faith in you.

♥n

*Friend can be any of you , this may apply to you , so I wanted to share with you what I shared with my friend tonight.