It's been nine years. 

I don't think of you every day anymore. 

I recently remembered that I am officially older than you ever were (three years older) but somehow you are still wiser and I don't think that will ever change. I actually enjoyed your wisdom - even the annoying logical decisions you made that angered me - you just knew what to do.   

You made me feel safe and then you were gone and I have yet to find that same security since. As strange as it sounds, this is what I miss about us the most. 

It seems like it took me nine years to realize that the world didn't stop all those years ago.  Sometimes it's shitty, sometimes I expect way too much and most of the time I push people out of my life, but I imagine this is how everyone feels at some point in their life. Who knows though, you were always the wise one. 

I still can't believe this is how it ended. I was not cut out to be a single parent, but somehow it happened. Admittedly, I am not the best parent, but I try -hard - and that's the best I can offer.  It took a really long time for me to accept not being the best at this parenting thing, but I think we are finally there. So what if I let him play violent video games once in a while or go to bed when I know he lied about brushing his teeth that night. We are coping. I guess that's how it's supposed to be.

"Bright lights never last" ❤️

-n